Do I want my life to be messed up and I make it that way?

Having a messed up life - such as alcoholism - can be strangely attractive beacuse it's a great excuse to behave childishly and selfishly and not have to face life, and nobody expects anything different.

The world is definitely not against you. It's just that when you're upset it's hard to see how much power you have. Make a list of changes you want & share it with a friend.