I have a new tree! Here's the first of some pics. Here's a happy card that asks "Where's the bright future we were promised?" Answer: "We're in it!"
Why aren't there flying cars?
Of course there are flying cars! You've never seen an airplane or a helicopter? <3 <3 :)
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October 2008 Archives
A couple of weeks ago I noticed some graffiti artist without talent wrote "Tree" on our sidewalk, next to the garden. Workmen showed up yesterday and chopped up the cement, making a sidewalk hole. What next?
What is the meaning of life?
Every encounter you have, no matter how small, is an opportunity to change someone's life. Thank the cashier for working the weekend. Find a friend in need who's too shy or embarassed to ask for help. Offer.
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Today's answer suggests being open to possibilities and brave about risks. But obviously, don't say yes to a bad idea or a whim that's irresponsible or not right for you. For example, if you have the opportunity to work overseas in an adventure that will change your life and makes career sense, go for it. :)
What is the answer to the universe?
YES! The Universe will sometimes wink at you, offering you a possible new love, a possible new adventure, a possible new job. Always say yes and don't be afraid. And don't be afraid to then say "no" if it's not what you need to be happy. :)
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This is me showing off the new roof. It certainly doesn't stop the wind! Lots of bent cards this week from high winds. I wonder if we'll be able to keep this going all winter. Maybe not. Here's a haunting question, a great one for Halloween week.
Will I make a difference? Will I be forgotten? A failure? -R.G.
The thing about making a difference is, you can change people's live for the better so easily, even if you don't make the news. Compliment the late night store clerk. Say thank you to a firefighter or a vet. Find a friend or even a stranger and be a good listener & offer help. You're doing just fine! <3 <3 <3 :)
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This is my roommate showing off the new shrine roof, in progress.
When will I breath again?
Make a list of problems in your life. Get a friend and make a plan. It's smaller than you feared, isn't it? Breathe. :)
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My roommate Mauricio has been helping me put a new roof on the shrine in the garden. The old roof probably would have cracked under the winter snow. I'll post some photos of the project. The idea is to make this blog seem less impersonal. It's a real project and you are now part of it by taking an interest. Thanks!
Should I go to Guam and work at a resort for six months before deciding what I really want to do in life? They take US dollars so I wouldn't even have to change money. Convenient, eh?
Knowing what you want to do in life is an exercise in knowing yourself. What makes you happy, for real? How do you want to change your life? Change the world? Go to Guam if it will help you get some answers. Don't go if you know the answers but are just scared. <3 <3
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Today I'm happy, because tomorrow I am going to Salem with a friend and doing Halloween stuff.
How can I learn to worry less?
Worry, like any emotion, gets stronger when you fixate on it. Distract yourself whenever anxious thoughts come to you, with a book or TV or calling a friend. Worry is basically fear of the unknown. Make a contingency plan & use your brain to calm your heart. The world's not coming to an end, & if you make plans intellectually you'll be fine! <3 <3 :)
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I saw a ladybug today in the garden! Here's a pic.
How can I help the one I love to stay strong in such sour times? <3
Make sure he or she knows that you believe in him or her, by saying it out loud. Then sit down together & make a plan, and a list of goals. Identify first the problems making unhappiness, and the solutions will follow. It's empowering & uplifting to take control. <3 <3 :)
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I got the same question twice from the same person. Neither answer is quite perfect, so here are both. These little cards are tiny to pack advice into!
What should I do about the kids that teas me in school
Use your head - not your heart - to think about what they're saying until yuo have convinced yourself that it's bogus. That gives you the confidence to stand up to bullies. Don't let them believe that it's working -- shoot right back some zinger. When they see that you're not an easy target, they'll leave you alone. Don't let them rattle you -- keep your cool & tell a teacher if it's really too much to take. <3 <3 :)
If my friends are teasing me What should I do
It's only fun for them to tease you if they can see that it hurts & it makes you feel bad. So try to hide bad feelings & defend yourself with a confident statement like "Boy, I guess you're having a really bad day if the only way to feel good about yourself is to talk down other people." Use your head, not your heart -- you know you're a good person! <3 <3
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I've met a number of people lately who've entered the garden looking for the card they wrote a question on, so they can read the answer I wrote. Sometimes it's hard to find the card, so I'm starting to post them chronologically with little date signs.
Dear card answerer, I am on the verge of breaking down, and why does silence sometimes seem so loud? Lolz... - skullz 'n' skittlez
You are a strong person and there is no way you are going to break down. Right now, make a list of all your troubles & start to plan your way out. You may need to cut your losses on a relationship or responsibility that just isn't working out. Ask a friend & don't be afraid. When you start tackling problems, it gets easier! :) <3 <3
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I am afraid. How can I take a step and overcome the fear of true love while stuck in my past?
Fear of love comes from being permissive & idealistic, so that you "dont' see" bad behavior in a mate. And if you lack confidence, you may have unrealistic ideas about "never finding love again" or "being destroyed" by a breakup. The solution is: stop falling in love by your heart alone. Use your head also & be analytical. Make a list of what you need in a relationship & don't settle! Saying "no" builds confidence & lessens fear.
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Why am I so angry?
A lot of times, it's just body chemistry. You can fight it by thinking when you're angry, "how much would I pay to make this go away?" $5,000? $5? How angry can you be over $5? Dwelling on it or punching a pillow focuses anger. Distract your vengeful thoughts & you will soon feel more balanced. <3
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It's strange but true. Friends with issues may view you as "interfering" if you start pushing solutions on them before they even agree a problem exists. It's easier to view others than it is to view onesself. They'll need help getting through a reality check.
How do you help an extremely self-concious friend find other friends and learn to loosen the hold on the friends they have? But make it not obvious.
The trick is, don't jump in with solutions & advice. First you need them to acknowledge the problem. Have them make a list of the things that make them happy, the things that make them sad, and the things they thought made them happy that really don't. It's this last category where they learn that following their heart blindly can hurt. <3
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I seem to have a few regulars at the garden, so I get to hear if my advice is going anywhere. Here's a card from someone who's signed as "Desperately Needs Decaf", who started by asking a couple of sillier questions.
I think my closest and oldest friend might be mad at me. Im not sure, but we haven't talked in a month. Am I just being parinoid, or is he mad at me... and why would he be mad? -Desperately needs Decaf P.S. See? I do have real problems!
It's easy to fear the unknown. Make it known by contacting your friend -- bake a pie or think of a gift to start on the right foot. Any relationship should be two-ways. If you & your friend each initiate phone calls or emails, then you're both contributing to the friendship. :) <3 <3
I wrote you a question about if my friend was mad at me or not, well he is not! :) I emailed him again and he's just been really busy. Thanks for your help! I have another problem though. My friend said a really insulting word that insulted me (the word its self, not the insult) I've told her before not to say it, but she still does... what do I do? -desperately needs decaf
A good friend will care enough to respect how you want to be treated. Perhaps it's time for you to say that you won't want to be friends if that continues. Be brave -- if you drop that friend it just means confidence & time to find a better friend. :) <3 <3
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How do we know when to take our art in a new direction? How do we know when to act on inspiration when it conflicts w/ creating inspiration? *Thank you for the sharing of your art!
The essence of art is its impact. Anyone can use borrowed phrases like "I'm sick to my stomach" or "I was jumping for joy." Find a way to convey an idea or make an impact that is more precise, more you. Don't worry about whether your direction is new. Show your art & let impact guide you.
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Most of us aren't criminal, but we all have regrets. Here's a card about moving past that. Don't forget to love yourself.
I stole. "Publicly". Ineffectively. I can't seem to put it behind me. It affects how I relate to things, and people. Conscience naggy. Cannot look people in the eye for long. It was all a long time ago and I keep trying to make up for it. Nothing seems to work. What to do. I want a real life...
* YOU ARE FREE * Stop yourself whenever you dwell. You are clearly a new person now. You are free to dislike your old self but love your new self. Channel that energy into a volunteer group or doing something nice for others. Push away invasive thoughts with TV or reading or calling a friend.
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This card's about people with lots of anger and how to handle them. When someone barks at you, they're saying both the accusation and also "want to fight?". If you bark back, you're saying no to the accusation but yes to "ok, let's fight!". Try saying no to both. You always have the right to walk away or to deflect the conversation by saying "wow, do you always want to fight like this? It's not my style". It's a way of pushing back that doesn't say "yes" to them.
How does one deal with negative attitudes and people who seem to always hate others without reason?
You can't change them, and arguing with them only makes you look like a hothead to neutral people. Weed those negative people out of your life entirely. Don't be afraid this will leave you alone. It will lift your confidence & you will make new relationships without the drama. You can do it! <3 <3 :)
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Here's an example of how little room there is to write a reply on these cards! At least I don't write for fortune cookies. They're even smaller! :)
How can I stay motivated while my life is hectic? ... as well as figure out what the hell im going to do with my life after graduating?
Look back on your life, and make a list of your hobbies, interests, & jobs. What do you feel passionate about? That is your direction. Don't be afraid to experiment. You can always switch careers! Stay motivated by planning a calendar & organizing your workload. Fear is always fear of the unknown. A plan makes it less unknown! <3
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What's it that I need to bring balance to my life + work?
Make a list of all your projects and responsibilities & which are really making you happy. What can you fix or drop to free up some emotional room in your life? What should you keep but perform more efficiently? Ask a freidn for advice; sometimes it's easier for someone who is not you to see your happiness clearly. <3
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My friend Joan sent me a book about publishing for my birthday. Thanks! I hope to write a book about the Abyss experience. But it's a little scary. We'll see!
Where can I find peace & quiet?
You have to built it into your life. Make a list of the things that cause you anxiety & stress, and - forgive yourself and dispose regrets - distance yourself from people & situations that aren't healthy You can do it! <3 <3 :)
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There have now been more than 700 cards written and answered in the Abyss! Each one was written and delivered personally by some anonymous question asker to my garden. I'm hoping to get to 1000 by the end of 2008. You can see them all on the website at http://Wheelquestions.org
I've been alone for a little over a year. I've learned a lot about myself, stayed active, met new people and dated. I'm still fighting that lonely feeling. What can I do?
Just like your heart can mislead yuo in love, it can mislead you in lonely. You can take charge by calling up a friend or going to a hobby club or online to make new friends, and have enough that you're always around people. You can do it! <3 <3
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Here are matched boy/girl crushes. I wonder if they are writing about each other! My 'grade school' approach works for adults too, by the way!
I have a crush and no way to tell them about it. How can I get her to feel the same way back? And how do I keep her as a friend if she finds out? -confused
Do it like they do it in grade school and get a friend to feel her out as to whether she likes you in that way. Be a good friend but measure it so you're only as close as she's feeling. <3 <3 :)
I have this crush on a boy should I ask him out?
Yes. Don't be afraid! It won't always be "yes" when you dare to ask, but when it is, WOW! :) <3 <3
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I don't seem to smile all that much anymore. I have someone very close that seems to just be hurting me and I can't help but want to be with them. Do I sacrifice myself to wait?
Make a list of all the problems in your life & problems in the relationship. This has already gone on far too long & hoping for the best isn't fixing anything. Show the lis to a friend & say yuo need help leaving your relationship. Don't be afraid! You will find a better love sooner than you think! <3 <3 :) Be strong!
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My roommate Mauricio and I bought a bunch of wood for the garden shrine. We're making a roof that will survive the winter snow. It's a fun project, but it's more fun just having someone who's helping, a project buddy.
Why am I here? I don't mean the abyss garden, I mean earth, here, this place.
You have a friend who desperately needs help and is in too much pain or embarassment to ask. Offer. <3 <3
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I wish I could say I have never been in the place that this asker has been in. Unfortunately, I have. But I can speak from personal experience that survival happens: it's built into the human psyche to adapt and thrive. Remember all the trouble you had in grade school, when you thought the world was ending, but now can barely recall? Hang in there. This too shall pass.
Am I so damaged I will not heal? -Caroline B
No, the human spirit is enormously resilient. You do have to drive in the right direction though. What's damaging & what's healing in your life? What would you change? Make a list and share it with a friend. You are not alone! :) <3 <3 <3
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The lecture went well yesterday! I made a lot of jokes, people seemed to enjoy it. From now on I need to focus more on personal stories than abstract philosophy, though. I handed out a lot of these cards I got printed up: 
flip side:
Will I ever get married Yes-or-No Erin age 8
A boy will ask you to marry when you are 20, but you're a smart person & you know there's no need to rush into anything before you're ready to really know what makes you happy & who you are. You'll marry someone better when you're 28. <3 <3
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Today is my lecture, at 7pm at La Luna Cafe at 403 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge MA. I'll talk about the Abyss project and will hand out blank cards. :)
Will I find myself in the next year? I have been lost.
No, because you're going to find yourself today. Call a friend and spend 3 hours making a list of what makes you happy, what doesn't, things you've done in the past that you're glad about, or not, and the pros / cons of the choices facing you. Stop waiting! <3 <3
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Here's another card challenging the wisdom I dole out daily! Nick Jonas is a 16-year-old musician. :)
I would like to know if I will date Nick Jonas I really love him even if he wasnt famonse or will i at least meet him from future Mrs Nick Jonas
When you're 33, you will score tickets and meet Nick Jonas briefly. He'll say thanks for being a fan, and you'll think "I used to be crazy about him, gee that was ages ago, I was so silly!" :) <3 <3
I dont think I will get tired of Nick Jonas because I really respect him and I luved him 4 2 or 3 years now. In magazines he described who his dream girl will be and described me love, future Mrs. Nick Jonas
It sounds like you should move to wherever Nick is and start networking! Get a job in the music business. You'll fall in love with someone who shares your passions. <3 <3 :)
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Here's a happy card that shows the power of listening. You can get all kinds of ideas for sneaky romantic surprises just by listening.
I got a card asking me to give a lecture! It's this Sunday, October 5, at 7pm at La Luna Cafe, 403 Massachusetts Ave Cambridge MA. The blurb is below.
Here's a secret: I'm in love. I want to marry him. He is the bomb :) Thanks for your garden
The next time he says "I've always wanted to...", plan just that as a romantic surprise and ask him to marry you. (But not if you haven't dated for at least a year, and you might want to ask him to live together first!) <3 <3
Lecture Announcement Cross Into The Abyss: Inspirational Secrets Their secrets are our secrets. Each question is a story. Our story.
Johnny Monsarrat collects questions and writes answers, with a 'Project Person' philosophy. These stories, on colored cards, decorate his garden: proof that we are not alone in our fears. In this lecture, he'll talk about the project and share cards both funny and touching. He'll talk about feeling overwhelmed, and how to 'cross into the abyss' and face making a change. We'll end with handing out blank question cards and a trek to the garden to view the project directly. Mr. Monsarrat founded and ran Turbine, the largest computer games company in New England. He is an alumnus of MIT and Brown, an award-winning speaker, and CEO of the data-gathering firm Hard Data Factory. The Cross Into The Abyss project is at http://Wheelquestions.org This lecture is hosted by Nubtalks, see http://nubtalks.wordpress.com. About 150 people are expected. We'll end by handing out blank question cards and those who wish to can trek over to the garden where the art project is located.
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