December 2008 Archives

It's normal to want to change but be afraid to. Mark a day on your calendar -- within a month -- as "change day" and have a party with friends. Present to them a list of what you want to do & get practical about getting the support you need to stick it through. You can do it, don't be afraid! Just take the 1st step.

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Why are these times cynical?

Look it up on the Internet: we're at a record global low for poverty, disease, and number of wars. We're at a record high for longevity, income, and standard of living. Fear is always fear of the unknown. Make a list of what you really need in love and pros & cons about your mate. Should you be cynical, or not?

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• We don't show it on the outside, but everyone has a troubling problem or question.
• We have enormous control over our own lives. Making a change is possible; it just requires conquering our fear of failure.
• Most people love the concept, but don't offer to help.
• I like saying hi to strangers.

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The best way to be convincing is, first demonstrate emotional empathy. People like advice from someone who's "on their side". Then get their agreement that a problem exists -- don't hop directly into what the solution should be. Describe the problem from their viewpoint.

Give them a sense of urgency & lead them to a specific action they should do now.

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You can't control the entire world and bad things may happen. But there's no such thing as fate or having bad luck. Learn to control what you can. Be on the lookout for possible bad things you can avoid & possible good things you can take advantage of. The more self confidence you build & awareness of what makes you happy, the easier it gets.

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You feel that you'll be alone, but just like your heart can mislead you in love, it can mislead you here, too. Use your head to overrule this "but I love her" excuse for inaction where you know you aren't really happy.

The reality is when you back away from draining relationships you gain confidence, love, happiness.

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Your heart is misleading you and what you've got there is desire, not love. It's not possible to love someone you can't communicate with. Try learning her language. Try also getting a reality check from a friend & don't go jumping at Ms. Wrong or how can you be free for Ms. Right?

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Fear is always fear of the unknown. But you can tackle the unknown by learning & making a plan.

Make a plan for what you would do if love failed & you'll see the world doesn't actually end. Push away the relationships & "obligations" that drain you & work on confidence. That will give you the strength to view love without alarmist anxiety.

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We all don't believe in the gods of others. It's just your god you're stuck on.

Does it matter to you that what you believe should be true? Then don't believe in something that's unproveable and billions of people can't agree on. It's time to face the fact that ancient texts were written by people in the bronze age who just didn't know that much. Since when is "feeling" that God exists enough, since hearts can mislead?

Make a plan for change. Is it practical? Find a way to measure the change you want to make.

Is it working? Stop using your gut for vital questions & use your head instead. You're nowhere near as lost as you think if you try.

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Get a friend to help you brainstorm.

Get a calendar and schedule your days. Make a big list of all the things you want to do and prioritize it. It's easy when you're idle in front of the TV to feel like you have no energy. But if you make yourself get up & do something for 20 minutes, that creates energy & you'll be glad you did.

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It's normal to be confused on this! Make a list of all the projects, jobs, & hobbies you've had, and how much you've enjoyed them, in your whole life. You'll see some trends. Make a short list of 4 or 5 options & write down the pros && cons of what will really make you happy, without illusions. Talk with people who've made these choices already & get their advice. Then plan a "change day" party & get friends to come inspire you to get going!

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Ask a professional if you have depression & don't be embarassed. It's quite common! Join hobby clubs around your area -- they are full of passionate people whose enthusiasm is infectious.

Never let yourself just sit & mope. Go out!

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If you have bad news for someone, it's always better just to tell them. If they're going to react constructively, then they can do so earlier. If they're not, why is that your fault or your problem? Don't let people guilt trip you into "obligations" that are giving more than you're getting.

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You make "time to relax" a low priority and wait for "a rainy day". Put "me time" in your calendar and simplify your life by getting organized and dropping responsibilities that don't make you happy or are just so time consuming it makes you frantic. You can do it, you just need to acknowledge that peace as well as accomplishment is a goal for you.

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You can only be hurt by something you believe. Use your head to veto your heart and talk yourself out of believing this terrible thing.

Or, if it's true, do what you can to change it -- if you want to -- and think, "So what, I'm working on it!" The best way to gain confidence is to push away the people who drain you. Tell the boy he's weak.

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Try couchsurfing.com which lets you crash on the sofa of respected & known people in a community.

Don't take on debt. It drains your ability to just drop out of life for a year and go backpacking. Most importantly: stop waiting.

Call a friend and meet this week to plan your first trip, even if it's nearby.

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Children feel the burden of an unhappy marriage, too. It sounds like an excuse to put off taking action. If you're unhappy, you owe it to yourself to take action. You could get a divorce, or form an "open relationship", or separate but stay married, or stay married but set firm limits even if that means he leaves you. Find a friend and make a plan. It reduces fear & inaction.

Make a list of things you are grateful for, like instant coffee or national parks, modern dentistry or your friend who calls you.

Everything that makes you smile. Carry around a notebook and write more things as you think of them throughout your day. Look around & be more observant and your list will have 500 items!

When you're sad on one day, use it to know it's a great life!

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Yes.

Every day you awake with new willpower, unless you are shortchanging yourself on a good night's rest. Forgive yourself the mistakes of the past and be smart about spending each day's willpower towards happiness & stability.