January 2009 Archives

It's easy enough to attend church but skip saying some of the chants, so the real problem seems to be letting down your family. Ask them how they were raised & differences from your grandparents, as a segue into discussing your own differences with them. Hopefully when you say you love & respect them despite the differences, they'll be ok. There are always "safe topics" if not.

It's a habit you can form one step at a time. Start by getting some distance & finding new friendships that will lead to new loves. Use your head to overrule your heart & tell yourself, "it's not me, they are just difficult people & I musn't feel an inappropriate obligation."

I like Chimps because they are the closest to real people.

Someday we may even treat them like people.

<3 <3 :)

You don't need a voice to sing.

Teach a choir.

Play an instrument.

Use a computer.

Whistle or hum.

Or just march into your doctor's office and say you have goals beyond basic health & want help!

Sometimes you just can't help not being attracted to someone.

What's wrong with just being friends? If you get close enough you may find him more attractive later. Or, you may find the man of your dreams in someone else.

:) <3 <3 <3

It sounds like it's time to get some distance from this friend who drains you & is not there for you. Invest that energy instead in new friendships.

It's easy -- just invite an acquaintance to lunch or the mall.

:) <3 <3

Find a friend who's too hurt or conflicted or shy to ask for help.

Offer.

<3 <3 <3 :) <3

It doesn't matter if it's because she's too emotionally hurt or because she's just not very giving or because she's stubborn or because she can't empathize with your needs or because she isn't that into you. It doesn't matter why, because you can't change her and waiting is getting you nowhere.

Find a new partner who's giving!

:) <3

How can there be justice in two people who love each other being apart?

What kind of traditional values or circumstance is getting in your way?

If it's monogamy, break up or create an open relationship.

If it's distance, move. If it's religion or family pressure, ignore it. Is it possible he is lying to you about "reasons"?

If they're good to you.

Always.

What, it's supposed to be complex?

<3 <3 <3 :)

Yes. Everyone has little insecurities like this. The trick is to use your head to overrule your heart. You know in your head that the world is not coming to an end, and that you would grieve but then be fine if it doesn't work out. Be strong & distract yourself with TV or calling a friend instead of dwelling.

Barack will change America the most in his first 6 months, like most presidents. You will only change if you make the change! Write up a plan for change & brainstorm on it with a friend. Take a small piece and get going this week!

Who we are now is human.

We will become the future.

<3

Pet owners go through an "imprinting" process just like with babies where they literally can't empathize with the trouble pets can cause others. So focus on statements like, "this hurt me because..." or "this impacts the community because..."

:) <3 <3

Unfortunately, you only get one shot at life.

But you can make it a good one!

How do you want to change the world?

How can you change your life & be happier?

:) <3 <3

The trick is to show that your interest in friendship is real.

Invite them to do something fun with you. Empathize and offer to help them find a date. Be prepared that they may like you too much for just-friends, but if you take a break & come back, they may be. Be strong & just say no if they can't accept your limits.

:) <3 <3

We've never seen such a high standard of living, such a low rate of illness, and so many technological conveniences.

We've never seen so many social freedoms or fewer wars around the world.

These are the better times and anyway, it's up to you to sort out your way to happiness. What now?

:) <3 <3

Does it matter?

Is there anything about life or the decisions you make that would change if it were true?

If not, it's simpler just to assume it's false & move on.

That's called Occam's Razor.

:) <3 <3

Every person you meet is an opportunity to change someone's life.

Compliment people, even strangers. Pay attention to what friends & family say -- people are always talking about their needs & hopes. See if you can fulfill one as a surprise, like buying a new coffeemaker for the friend who's always complaining about their current coffeemaker. Don't be giving though to those who aren't giving back.

<3 <3 :)

In an adult education course, or at a friend's party, or through the Internet, or making a remark to you in the mall.

Be active & open to possibilities.

Know yourself well enough to say "no" to the wrong women, so that you're available for the right one.

Try to have one date a week -- practice makes perfect!

:) <3 <3

Write her a letter or make a scrapbook of photos in which you thank you for all the good things she's donem, like taking you to the zoo, baking your favorite foods, or helping you get a job. You don't have to mention the negative to make her feel accepted & appreciated for the positive.

:) <3 <3 <3

She does if she's reaching out to you, calling just to say hi or sending you little notes.

And if she never gets mad or neglectful. Of course you should be brave & reach out to her.

Be strong & be prepared to go slow if she's not in love yet.

<3 <3 :)

Yes. Rebellion is normal; it's part of the angst of not knowing who you are as a person to get out from the shadow of your parents. Work on showing him respect & making him feel safe to open up. Take up a hobby to pass the time while you're giving him some space.

Don't leap directly into posing solutions. First let him know you support him & get his attention to problems.

<3 <3

Most people don't have this strike of lightning insight wher it all becomes clear & they're happy with one passion forever. It's really OK to experiment & change your mind.

Try using your head instead of your heart. Think on all your hobbies & classes & people you've met in various occupations. What's inspired you?

Talk with people & actively seek an answer.

:) <3 <3

Don't hop into making suggestions. First, empathize & make sure she knows you support & respect her. Then get her to make a list of everything in her life, marketing the things that -- without illusions -- really make her happy or not. Get her to acknowledge that she's no use to herself or anyone if she breaks down & show how ultimately taking care of herself allows her to think more clearly & act more effectively.

Say this to yourself as often as you need to:

"It's not my fault. She's just a difficult woman."

Try going around her & finding other family allies.

You can also turn friends into family -- a family that may be better by far!

<3 <3 :)

You can figure it out using your head, not your heart. Make a pros & cons list and try to avoid fear of risk and overestimation of gain. Will it cost not much and failure won't be tremendous?

Are you likely to succeed? How much of the risk can you control and how much is factors you have no influence over? If it goes badly can you spot it early & get out?

Yes! The job you work and the hobbies you have should make you happy, which means getting used to just being yourself. Hiding your personality to please others drains & demolishes self-confidence.

Also, it's ok to be unsure "who you are" but some experimentation will help.

<3 <3 <3 :) :)

It's completely valid to be content without a partner. I often hear someone say "I don't have time for a relationship" or "I just can't deal with that right now", which is code for their belief that all relationships are draining.

Of course, that's not true, so make sure your happy alone-ness doesn't come from false assumptions. The better you know yourself, the easier choosing is.

<3 <3 :)

This is too big a question for your gut instinct.

Use your head and without "but I love him" delusions make a list of what you really need in a partner to be happy in the long term, starting with "is he good to me?" If it's not him, leave.

If it might be him but you waited so long that this is no longer a "short term" issue, put him on notice & leave no later than 2 months if he can't change