February 2009 Archives

It's true love if you are each thinking of each other, not in a dependent way but in a happily calm way. And if you never fight but feel comfortable talking things out. And if you're always calling just to say hi or giving little gifts. It has to be both of you. One person's giving cannot make a healthy relationship.

<3 <3 :)

You not only have the power to change, you have the obligation.

Leave it all & travel.

You have to make your own mistakes to learn sometimes.

The difference between traveling and just drifting is: do your homework. Find your plan to be happy.

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You have a friend who needs you and is in too much pain to ask.

Find this friend and help them reassess their life plan.

Find this friend, even if it's a stranger. Even if it's you.

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Yes, but you have to do more than wait.

Join a club, go to parties, go online.

Be brave and you be the one to start conversation.

Aim for one date per week!

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Love starts on instinct, but it kept going on the deposits & withdrawals you make. When two people are givers, there's no reason for love to end.

Don't worry about age.

Just ask yourself, is my partner good to me?

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Life is short and people who are genuinely good to you are hard to find.

You don't have to make sacrifices if you're clever about creative solutions & have a good grasph on what really makes you happy.

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Add some structure to your life by getting organized & making plans. This diminishes the fear of the unknown.

Also make a mental note when something you fear works out just fine & use that memory to combat your fear next time. Finally, you should get checked for medical anxiety. It's quite common & nothing to be embarassed of.

There are a lot of quick fix medications.

High school is when kids are the most rebellious. Christianity won't be forced on your nephew. Either he'll genuinely like it or he'll survive just fine.

Make sure he goes to college far from home.

The choice is then his.

As an aunt, you can give him alternative viewpoints, too.

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Yes. Marriage doesn't really add much stability over simply being engaged & living together, and if the worst happens & you break up, there's far less stigma.

Wait until you're mature enough that you're making choices that match your real needs -- you'll know you're there when drama is low & you're happy in a very grounded way.

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At some point, you have to cut your losses. Make a list of the changes you need to be truly happy in the long term, and then think: how long has it been? Has there been an acknowledgement that change is a goal & a timeframe? Typically people do not really change unless they have to -- and often not even then.

Perhaps you need to deliver an ultimatum.

Love comes from the body, and it's part of our animal nature, like imprinting, and desire.

Of course, our gut isn't as smart as our head, so people we love sometimes aren't right for us. The happier & more centered you are in life, teh more you won't get fooled. User your head -- you can spot a bad relationship if you think on it.

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Yes, but you have to make it so.

Anything complex is better with some planning.

What plans could you make, and what can you do today to get started?

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The pen is mightier than the sword. Maybe now is the time for you to write memoirs or a family genealogy tree, or take a leadership role in a community group or as a mentor. It's not hard to find ways to be engaged & respected if you look.

<3 <3 :)

It's love if you feel love, but what you're really asking is, "Is this relationship healthy?"

It is if you and your partner are good to each other, calling just to say hi, writing little notes or planning an outing, being sweet & never irritable, communicating well, with no drama.

<3 <3 :)

To have no regrets, start by knowing yourself well & what really makes you happy & make smart choices from that.

The more confidence & stability & happiness you have, the less anxiety you will feel. Everyone plays the "What If" game but don't fixate & forgive yourself. Focus on the future.

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Get the Dale Carnegie book, "How to make friends & influence people."

Great conversations are made when you take a genuine interest in people.

Ask questions that show you've been listening. Watch body language & don't hog the conversation. It takes practice & it's easier the more confidence you have. Take note of others' conversational abilities. You are not the worst in the room; you've just been too hard on yourself. Stop!

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Compliment a total stranger.

Learn one magic trick & show it to children.

Bake something for a friend.

Be a good listener & offer help to someone in need.

Give yourself permission to love yourself & cut yourself some slack.

Back away from all drama. Be strong!

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First, you're happier when you're not being pulled down by people & obligations that don't genuinely make you happy. Second, you're happier when you're needed by others & doing what you love. To figure this all out, get to know yourself without illusions and work towards building confidence by fixing what needs change in your life. You can do it!

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The best revenge is success.

Work on getting ahead, making friends who are good to you, and not caring about the past. Letting it get to you may give your ex-friend some twisted satisfaction, and lashing out just makes other people think you're just as bad. Get some hugs & smile.

:) <3 <3

It's not about developing this "gotcha" sense of permanent trust. It's much easier to work on spotting people who aren't good to you by being realistic & not blaming yourself when it's not your fault.

Don't overinvest in people who haven't earned it & you won't need to worry about trust.

It's not your fault. For someone to feel bad, they have to first (a) have something happen and (b) choose to interpret it as negative. The problem is that some people see everything as bad and feel lousy all the time. Don't get fooled into thinking that you're responsible if -- when you think clearly about it -- there's nothing there.

If you have energy and enjoy being with friends & doing fun hobbies, then you're not depressed.

Next time that you take a risk like seeing a friend or starting in on a project & it goes well, write yourself a note & keep it handy for the next time you feel drained & don't feel like doing anything. It's a reminder to get you going.

Yes! If they say yes then you can have a celebration & if they don't, at least it frees you to like somebody else.

People like those with confidence who are giving. Make a small gift & plan something specific, about what you would do together.

If it's "no", be a good sport. You'll be fine!

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It's normal to have doubts & to be afraid of failure. Write a list of successes & positive qualities about yourself on a card & carry it around. When you're afraid, ask yourself, what are the consequences I'm afraid of & make a plan both to avoid it but also if you do fail, to handle it. Having a plan makes fear of the unknown future smaller.

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Who says you have to have it all figured out? Knowing what you want in life doesn't just come in a spark of inspiration. Have you tried sitting down & thinking about it? Make a list of possibilities & draw from what you've enjoyed in the past. Knowing myself was my first step to happiness.

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Shame leads to rage.

People who are not as successful -- or entire populations as with third world extremism -- turn to hating others instead. The best solution is rising affluence & communication turning strange cultures into known cultures.

Fortunately both trends are well underway.

:) <3 <3

Make a list of all your goals and then add one: "love myself". Make sure to leave time in your schedule to relax, and brainstorm how to change your life not just for getting along but for happiness, which might involve getting distance from hurtful relationships & obligations. You may want to get tested for depression -- it's quite common.

:) <3 <3