May 2009 Archives
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This card was submitted by a very small child, who dictated to her dad.
Why can't I exist on Candy?
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It's fun to jump in puddles!
But then you get all muddy.
Sometimes when your heart says "I want that!" you have to use your head.
Eating just candy would make you sick.
:)
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Thanks to the Harvard Square Business Association, I'm now planning a "grand opening" celebration for Wheel Questions on Sunday, June 14th at One Brattle Square, Cambridge, MA. Time TBD, will post later. :)
WHY?
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People make mistakes. Accidents happen.
There's no hidden reason behind the world, but it's a good place.
Choose your friends & your environment so that the good things you do get rewarded. And don't go crazy overanalyzing -- when something seems wrong & irrational, it probably is and people & life are like that sometimes. But good accidents & generous people are everywhere, too.
<3 <3 :)
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I'm looking for someone to do a video documentary on Wheel Questions. You bring a camera and show up one day this summer -- possibly at a festival -- and anyone who comes who wants to be taped delivering their question into the camera, we'll make a movie and it'll be touching and we'll post it online.
What is love?
Is it just a passing feeling that can ebb & flow or is it permanent?
How do I know love?
How do I find it?
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Love is maintained by two people being good to each other. It's only permanent if you both put effort in, and "losing the magic" is just a way to pretend it's blameless. You know love when you're mature enough to know yourself & what makes you happy, and have the confidence to say "No" to the wrong people & stay available for the right one. You find love by being brave & doing a lot of work! Aim for one date every week. Hang in there!
<3 <3 :)
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I had a design meeting today with Kyle Sturgeon on the architecture for the new Wheel. We will have it up by June 13 at the Cambridge River Festival, possibly sooner!
WHY DO I KEEP HAVING CRAPPY DREAMS EVEN THOUGH MY LIFE IS PRETTY STABLE?
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Dreams are like that, unfortunately. I think we remember more of the bad ones because they cause us to wake up.
Maybe you're having plenty of soothing dreams that you don't remember.
:) <3
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Yesterday's card was about women and love. For some balance, here's one about men. It's tempting but the solution isn't to hate all men, it's to find different men than the ones you haven't clicked with.
Why do guys keep breaking up with me? Why do I feel so negatively about guys? Why do I feel like I am never attractive enough?
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Find a friend & make a list of all your goals & things you could do to make yourself happier & more confident.
Confidence is attractive & it gives you the bravery to say "no" to Mr. Wrong. Date at least once a week and as you get into the habit, each person you meet -- it will feel more routine and less high-stakes.
The secret to beauty is that it's mainly about personality & fashion sense. Do you have people in your life who drain your confidence? Get some distance & make healthier friends.
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This one hits me in the gut like a little snatch of death. Questions like "Did I cause this? How can this happen in a sane world?" tend to loop around and around in the brain late at night. Stop this cycle. It isn't getting you anywhere. Yes, it sucks! Having established that, new topic! Get your mind off it! The constructive thing to do, with this asker, may be just to let go, regardless of the fairness of the situation.
She's moved on.
I never thought she could, I always thought we had another chance t do it right. She is the love of my life. How do I let her go?
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People make mistakes. Maybe this one is hers. I'm sorry. It feels incredibly wasteful and self-thoughtless of someone to walk away from true love. Some people have so much anxiety or chaos in their lives they can't relax & accept when they've "arrived". Or they're not mature enough to know what makes them happy, or display prejudices.
Hang in there! Lethargy is self-reinforcing, so make yourself be active & restart dating.
You'll soon be glad you did.
:) :)
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The hardest thing about life is knowing when to have confidence and when to have humility. One way to figure it out is to ask yourself, "Is what I'm doing working?"
So, I failed to get the Wheel Questions grant. But what I'm doing seems to be working. I've gotten so much great feedback and it seems to be helping people. Having gotten permission to locate the project in Davis Square and Harvard Square is too good to pass up. I've decided to self-fund the project and I hope to make some kind of money back through donations.
It might fail, but I can always ask myself two months from now, "Is what I'm doing working?" and that should help me know whether to stop or keep going. I expect to have the new Wheel up in Harvard Square at One Brattle Street around June 6 or so. Here's a card on this topic.
Will my organization get enough funding so that I can keep my job past September?
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Does it deserve to? Who are you competing with? How can you make your substance & explanation of it to funders better? Do you have backup sources of funding?
Make a contigency plan for what you'd do if you lost your job.
Fear is always fear of the unknown and defining the future will lessen your anxiety. Life is funny, after a disaster happens, the shaking up of your life is very unpleasant but can stimulate you to seek out an even better situation.
<3 <3
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Here's a card on a philosophical question. My response to these is usually,"Don't you have anything more grounded to worry about?" Personally, my sleepless nights I devote to worrying about money and love. :)
Do we have free will?
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Yes. The whole concept that the brain is just a machine, while true, doesn't make it any less us. And since it's impossible to simulate a brain down to all its quantum states, the idea that we're "predictable" is sort of a silly thing to spend wakeful nights over. The sun rises predictably but it's always different, always magical!
:) <3 <3
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How can I find balance in the movement of my life?
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Tackle the problem as a real one. Make "finding balance" one of your goals and make a plan to get it. It's surprising how many of these deep needs go unmet because people shrug and wait for "inspiration" to untie a complex problem, or expect to find a rainy day to act, as if it's a low priority. Now get out there & do it!
:) <3
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I have no idea who I am or where I'm going with my life.
How do I find that out?
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It starts with a list of who you're not!
Write down all the projects & day trips & relationships & responsibilities of your life & rate them -- were they healthy?
Did they make you happy?
A pattern will emerge!
The trick is not to go with your gut. Your head can give you some direction if you try, and bring in a friend to advise you, too!
:)
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Thanks to Dana Pearson, who came to the Open Studios, here are some more photos of the event, with me actually in them! :)
How do I know if I've picked the right course of studies?
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Talk with the people who've already made the choices you're facing & ask them if they are happy -- not yesterday, not tomorrow, but right now. It's the only happy people are good at measuring, science tells us.
:) <3
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My plan is now to self-fund Wheel Questions by putting in about $5,000 for the original installation, and then hope that people who ask questions (and others) come to the website and dump in a few dollars, helping me to manage financially for all the time and to repay the original investment.
Unfortunately I'm not sure the startup I run has that much spare cash lying around. This would be a good time for someone with a rich uncle to call, or for me to make a new sale.
I'm about to start medical school. What will get me through it?
And what will make me a good doctor?
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Pay explicit attention instead of "going with your gut" on the hard problems of maintaining motivation, not burning out, socializing while busy, not caring too much, but not becoming too clinical.
Keep a "mood diary" & you'll be able to spot trends. You have a lot of power to self-correct if you pay attention!
:) <3 <3
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Should I move to D.C. for a boy? I don't want to be that type of girl, but I could see myself marrying him.
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Only if he feels the same.
Don't make this black or white. There should be a clever compromise where you can visit D.C. for a couple of months without burning bridges.
Make sure he's giving too by making your possibly move more comfortable with his concessions.
<3
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Why are people mean to each other?
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Shame makes people lash out. They know they're wrong but they feel so helpless & frustrated they can't help it. Others have an anxiety or anger or drinking problem. The trick is don't make excuses -- if someone's being abusive, find a real friend & get some distance!
<3
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Sometimes the problem is obvious: what's not obvious is that we need to ask someone, a friend or a professional, for help. Some problems we just can't change through hoping and willpower.
I yell and scream at my daughter (the oldest) but it is the youngest daughter that causes trouble but I blame it on the oldest. How do I stop myself from doing that?
And what is the deffinition of child abuese?
(sorry about spelling)
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It's abusive if you lash out, whether it's verbally or physically.
Kids, even teenagers, are wrong a lot and even then it's up to you to stay focused & constructive. When it's you that's wrong, this is a habit (like quitting smoking) that most people simply can't change through willpower.
Get some advice from a counselor or therapist. Your daughters will make self-destructive choices if this continues.
Call the United Way at 800-231-4377
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My car has lots of problems -- bad cluth, engine, brakes, body. I don't need your help for that -- I know the answer: get a better car.
But I also have lots of problems; perhaps any one could be fixed, but perhaps not. But there's no "Craigslist.com:new/used me" section. How do I get a better me?
Thank you.
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You start by figuring out what to love & what to throw out. That makes the problem seem smaller when you write it down and set yourself goals.
The things you should change are the things that aren't leading to happiness. And most people cannot change through sheer willpower. Be brave & ask a friend for help! An outside perspective is invaluable.
<3 <3 :)
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I am I going to be a star some day
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Do you deserve to be a star?
What do other people who become famous do? They choose a goal, make a plan, and work hard towards it. Somebody has to be the next star. It might as well be you, so get out there & do it!
<3 <3 :) <3
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Why do I feel so lost + lonely when I am on my own while @ home, but perfectly fine when traveling alone?
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Our emotions are not purely mental.
They also come from the body.
When you are sitting idle, with low heart rate & low activity, of course you feel lethargic.
But if you can believe that 20 minutes of activity will make you glad you did, get up, get out, and then in 20 minutes you'll be glad you did!
:) <3 <3 <3
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With the right attitude, it's possible to live 20 years in just 12 months! Here's a card on that.
Wiill I Last another 20 years
<3
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Yes, but you have to make them fantastic.
Who are the old friends you should call, the projects you keep putting off, & the dreams you haven't gotten to yet?
No matter your age, the time is now.
:) <3
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I once read that keeping a diary of your emotional state helps you to find trends in your life. It's just too hard to remember the past clearly enough to make broad statements like, "my anxiety problem is fading away".
I've recently broken up w/ my girlfriend.
I've been seeing a girl that was in a 4-year relationship who's been broken up w/ the guy for a year.
One second she's affectionate, but most of the time I feel like she's holding back. She says she has trouble trusting people because they've hurt her and has problems being intimate.
I'm understanding, but I don't really know where I stand. When I asked her if she wanted to be alone she said no. How should I handle it?
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Unfortunately, people don't usually change.
It sounds like it might be smart to let her go & find someone new.
However, if you want to help her & stick with it, get her to assess all the draining relationships & responsibilities in her life & back away from them.
There's usually an overbearing mother or something. Give her an ultimatum that she has to work on this and keep a "diary" so you can leave her if no positive trend.
<3
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Dear Friend,
I am 60-plus --
+ want to love a man again -- + to be loved --- Who?
Where? Wanna find him -- where?
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You can find him but you need to be brave in putting yourself out there.
Go online, talk with people in the mall, get your friends to introduce you to people, join a hobby club, aim for one date a week and at that rate it won't take long!
:) <3
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More than 300 people visited the original Wheel Questions during Somerville Open Studios! And a few made a gift through the new and improved donations page. Here are few photos of the open studios weekend.
HOW DO I STOP WRITING A FINISHED BOOK
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It's easier to be brave with a friend around. Invite someone over for dinner & make a ceremony of placing the manuscript in the mail! Get yourself excited about all the things you'll do with your time or even the next book once you've placed this burden down.
Don't be afraid! You can do it!
:) <3 <3
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I met nearly 200 people yesterday as part of the Somerville Open Studios! And got some donations, which really inspired me. I guess I will try to keep the project alive in 2009!! There is a clunky donations thing on the website now that I will try to improve.
Who is the Greatest artist to ever come out of Boston ?
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possibly Arthur Clifton Goodwin...
possibly you!
How do you want to change the world?
Somebody's got to be the best; it might as well be you, so get out there and do it!
:) <3 <3
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This is the last weekend for the Somerville, MA installation of Wheel Questions. I moved out a month ago, but by agreement with the landlord, I'll have it open for just two more days as part of the Somerville Open Studios. It's the 2nd largest open studios event in the USA and the largest in New England, with over 300 artists opening their homes or private studios to the public.
What's next for Wheel Questions? We have permission to run the project in the heart of Harvard Square, Cambridge and Davis Square, Somerville this summer. And I have a new, more attractive version on the drawing board with artist Kyle Sturgeon. I could answer over 10,000 questions this summer.
But the project is unfunded, and we don't have the $5,000 to build it, or the spare cash to answer questions all summer completely unpaid. Maybe I'll self-fund it and try to make up the difference with donations. As of right now I don't have any kind of website donation function though.
Please contact me to enquire about keeping Wheel Questions alive. Even if all you have to give is a word of encouragement, it would be good to know you're out there.
Is this garden a real beauty?
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It's not overly beautiful to the eye, but it's very beautiful to the soul.
I'm working on a new one that's more visually attractive.
:) <3 <3
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Should I move to San Francisco?
Seattle?
Stay in Boston?
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Move and your problems may just move with you. You should live in the place you have the healthiest support network, and don't change locations unless you need to as part of your big plan to improve your life. What plan do you want to make? Grab a friend and make a pros & cons list.
<3 <3 :)
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