Here's a pair of matched questions that I got on the same day!
I'm sad to report that we may not make it to the top ten. If you've been reading these emails and haven't voted yet, I know it's sort of silly -- and the "daily" vote thing is a real pain, even for me -- but please help, and invite your friends to vote too by forwarding the facebook event here. Winning $25,000 would make the difference between success and failure.
Please vote again for Wheel Questions 2010. You can vote once every day for the month of April. All we need is to get into the top ten. It takes less than 30 seconds and the link is Wheel Questions on the Pepsi Refresh Site. Thanks!
Why is it so hard to get my husband to pay attention to me???
Do you complain a lot?
Maybe he's having trouble sorting out the things that matter.
Do you give too much?
Maybe he's starting to take you for grant. Tell him he can't.
Try building goodwill by planning a romantic trip. Work with a friend to train yourself to be matter-of-fact and brief, not explosive and rambling, if that's the problem. Make "talking" fun.
<3
WHY DOES MY WIFE ALWAYS THINK I DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO HER?
Try the technique of "reflecting" back what she is saying, to show that you empathize with her feelings & understand what she is saying factually. If she says, "I took my boss to lunch today", don't say "oh." or even "that's good." Say "Your boss? Was that awkward?" or "Was there a special occasion?"
If you're a problem solver, it's hard to realize that some things can't be solved.
How do I deal with a friend who doesn't like to talk? If I confront him about a problem it seems like it just gets progressively worse
:(
I'm sorry, but you have to let him go.
Some people have trained themselves to shut down conversation because the people close to them (some of their friends & family & former lovers) are shrill & like to vent abuse rather than focus on, identify, and resolve problems.
It's so engrained he may not believe you're level-headed & supportive (You are, right?)
The Wheel is in Davis Square now! Thanks for my best friend Rick for helping me roll it there, 2 miles on the streets of Cambridge and Somerville!
How do we as people truly connect to eachother? => That is how do we really penetrate the universes which are each individual's subjective perceptive experience?
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Ask everyone you meet for their story. Compliment the store clerk, the woman at the bus stop, the taxi drive, or just people on the street who look interesting. Those who respond, talk with for a while. You might even say you're on a quest to collect people's hopes & fears. You could even set up a Wheel... hey, wait... ! :)
Get the Dale Carnegie book, "How to make friends & influence people."
Great conversations are made when you take a genuine interest in people.
Ask questions that show you've been listening. Watch body language & don't hog the conversation. It takes practice & it's easier the more confidence you have. Take note of others' conversational abilities. You are not the worst in the room; you've just been too hard on yourself. Stop!
I had a friend like the one on this card once. I had just been laid off, but our next conversation was dominated by her own job fears. Later on, the friend let me down in a big way that I should have seen coming. Here's the card.
I have a close friend who I'm having a hard time with. I feel that she talks much more than listening + that when there's something on her mind she doesn't really listen to me. How do I handle this?
I know she's a good person + struggles with her anxieties + trying to be present?
It sounds like it's time to get some distance from this friend who drains you & is not there for you. Invest that energy instead in new friendships.
It's easy -- just invite an acquaintance to lunch or the mall.
The best way to be convincing is, first demonstrate emotional empathy. People like advice from someone who's "on their side". Then get their agreement that a problem exists -- don't hop directly into what the solution should be. Describe the problem from their viewpoint.
Give them a sense of urgency & lead them to a specific action they should do now.
Tell them about this card and how it made you think about what you want from life & how you want to be loved by friends & family. Ask if you can tell them about this.
If they're not interested, the problem isn't you and maybe feeling close to such a person is noth healthy.
