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how do i
tell a boy
i don't want
to date him
without
shattering him?
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If you want sincerely to be friends, then offer to plan an outing together & make it real.
If you don't feel a friendship either, start by empathizing. Write a note -- a short one -- that says you're extremely flattered & you know how brave he's being to ask you out. But you're just not feeling it (or say you're stuck on someone else, if you are.) Don't inject drama, be respectful & matter-of-fact.
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Sooner or later, you're going to carry on. Why not sooner?
Why didn't he love me?
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He didn't have the vision to see the real you.
Sometimes people screw up.
What you need now is to stop dwelling on the past; it's just holding down your self-confidence. Be brave & date again!
<3 <3 <3
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Look at the neat handwriting on this one. I must have been trying especially hard. I get a lot of mileage out of the below mantra. Be good to yourself. You're doing just fine. :)
Why did he leave me for my best friend?
Doesn't he still love me?
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Sometimes people who feel love just don't have the character to act that way. I'm sorry.
Repeat to yourself as often as you need to: "It's not my fault. He's just a difficult man."
And get your mind off it instead of dwelling on it, by calling a friend, seeing a movie, or going on a date yourself.
<3 :) <3
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Confusion and regret are the painful parts of breaking up, not absence.
Did I mess up causin the person who loves me to leave me?
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Invite a friend over & use your head to figure it out.
If you did, apologize, try to fix it, vow to change & in so doing, become a new person you can love while regretting the old you.
If it wasn't you, just say, "It's not my fault. My ex was just a difficult person." as often as you need to. Stop dwelling & get dating again!
<3
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Why did I lose the girl of my dreams
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You're so overwhelmed with emotion that you'll have to reason it out with a friend & a pad of paper. Be analytical & try to not have a bias.
If it was your fault, apologize & fix what you can. Give her space.
If it was her fault, accept that people make mistakes. It wasn't you.
Don't dwell on the pain. Harness it, use it, do something truly great with that passion!
<3 <3
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Sometimes you can't wait to feel like moving on. Sometimes you just have to do it. Then you'll be glad you did.
When will I be able to move on?
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When you take the hole in your life & fill it with friends, hobbies, work, & dating.
Sitting idle & allowing yourself to dwell on it just reinforces it.
Distract yourself!
<3
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So many of the cards I receive remind me of myself. This one, too.
I just got dumped by the girl of my dreams.
How do I recover?
your friend,
Leonard
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Do something great.
Take all that grief & passion, the desire that you would change the world if only it would bring her back, and channel it into your job, creative outlet, or community.
Don't focus it inwards towards yourself.
<3 <3
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Wheel Questions is now on Twitter! I'll tweet daily about the behind-the-scenes project and comment further on the daily pick question.
Why does he like HER?
and not me?
-Beebe
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r
Sometimes people make foolish decisions.
Work on just being happy on your own & build confidence by sorting out the people & problems in your life that are dragging you down.
Confidence is attractive & if he doesn't notice you, someone else will.
:) <3 <3 <3
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We had a great time at the Cambridge River Festival. In the first 24 hours of Wheel Questions, I got over 200 cards. I'll post photos soon.
I knew he wasn't the one.
Will I ever find another?
Deeply sad,
Christina via Brittania
<3
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YES!
Just like your heart can mislead you in love, it can mislead you in "I'll never love again"! Work on gaining confidence by pushing away the people & responsibilities that drain you. Figure out what you really need to make you happy & say "no" to the boys who aren't right. Go on dates & experiment & don't settle! Be strong!
<3
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Yesterday's card was about women and love. For some balance, here's one about men. It's tempting but the solution isn't to hate all men, it's to find different men than the ones you haven't clicked with.
Why do guys keep breaking up with me? Why do I feel so negatively about guys? Why do I feel like I am never attractive enough?
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Find a friend & make a list of all your goals & things you could do to make yourself happier & more confident.
Confidence is attractive & it gives you the bravery to say "no" to Mr. Wrong. Date at least once a week and as you get into the habit, each person you meet -- it will feel more routine and less high-stakes.
The secret to beauty is that it's mainly about personality & fashion sense. Do you have people in your life who drain your confidence? Get some distance & make healthier friends.
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This one hits me in the gut like a little snatch of death. Questions like "Did I cause this? How can this happen in a sane world?" tend to loop around and around in the brain late at night. Stop this cycle. It isn't getting you anywhere. Yes, it sucks! Having established that, new topic! Get your mind off it! The constructive thing to do, with this asker, may be just to let go, regardless of the fairness of the situation.
She's moved on.
I never thought she could, I always thought we had another chance t do it right. She is the love of my life. How do I let her go?
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People make mistakes. Maybe this one is hers. I'm sorry. It feels incredibly wasteful and self-thoughtless of someone to walk away from true love. Some people have so much anxiety or chaos in their lives they can't relax & accept when they've "arrived". Or they're not mature enough to know what makes them happy, or display prejudices.
Hang in there! Lethargy is self-reinforcing, so make yourself be active & restart dating.
You'll soon be glad you did.
:) :)
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Spring has sprung, the grass has ris. I wonder where the flowers is. :)
I'm not sure what to do I am really into him haven't talked for 6 months told him not to contact me. Now I don't know what to do!?
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If you're really into him, call & ask iof you can meet for coffee or dessert.
If there's any apologizing to do from either of you, you start first. And do the best you can to keep it non-drama. Just say you don't want to "have a big talk", you just miss him & want to try a meet.
:) <3 <3
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How am I supposed to treat the one who hurt me & broke my heart? I'm still Angry and confuced after a year. I have to see him all the time - we live in the same neighborhood, have the same friends. Everytime I try to be nice, I get hurt again.
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If your heart got broken by deceit or anger, you should resign yourself to dropping this person. Put your energy into finding someone new & your feelings should subside. No one would blame you for changing your routine or living space. Try asking the sex for a frank apology -- but it may not be forthcoming -- or to adjust your "friendship". If the breakup can be explained it's less hurtful.
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How does one stay close friends with people one has dated after the relationship is over
?
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If the relationship was good, then isn't being friends just more of the same without the kissing?
And did you have a good reason to break up?
If you did have a good reason to break up, should you really be friends?
The best you can do is try to set expectations & "fake it 'til you make it" and soon friendship will feel normal, if there is real love there.
<3 :)
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Dear Johnny,
A guy likes me, and I just told him that I wasn't interested. I'm kind of mad at him because he acted as if I was his girlfriend and thought that I was without me even confirming his question, (if I would go out with him) but I feel bad because after I rejected him, he told me that he had a really bad day. What can I do to make him feel better without him getting the wrong idea? -Skullz 'n' Skittles
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It's not your fault. For someone to feel bad, they have to first (a) have something happen and (b) choose to interpret it as negative. The problem is that some people see everything as bad and feel lousy all the time. Don't get fooled into thinking that you're responsible if -- when you think clearly about it -- there's nothing there.
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How do you tell someone you care about, that you want to just be friends?
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The trick is to show that your interest in friendship is real.
Invite them to do something fun with you. Empathize and offer to help them find a date. Be prepared that they may like you too much for just-friends, but if you take a break & come back, they may be. Be strong & just say no if they can't accept your limits.
:) <3 <3
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I got what I wanted for Christmas! An article in the Boston Phoenix. Thanks, Santa! :)
She is the only one who comes close to understanding, but she doesn't. If I stay with her, I keep my only real friend. If I leave, I can be perfectly alone. What do I do?
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You feel that you'll be alone, but just like your heart can mislead you in love, it can mislead you here, too. Use your head to overrule this "but I love her" excuse for inaction where you know you aren't really happy.
The reality is when you back away from draining relationships you gain confidence, love, happiness.
<3 <3 <3
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The boy I like insulted me so badly that me might have scarred me for life. What should I do? Should I ignore him? He really hurt me.
Christina via Britannia
<3
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You can only be hurt by something you believe. Use your head to veto your heart and talk yourself out of believing this terrible thing.
Or, if it's true, do what you can to change it -- if you want to -- and think, "So what, I'm working on it!" The best way to gain confidence is to push away the people who drain you. Tell the boy he's weak.
<3 <3
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How do you tell someone you love them, when you feel the response will be the most important answer you ever hear?
How do you know the timing is right?
Be a good listener & you'll hear them say things like "I've always wanted to" or "I really need to get..." and make a surprise & get them what they want.
Start talking about "caring" for them & see where it goes. Be strong & don't go faster than they want to. If they've dated you for 3 months they should have an answer.n
That's enough time to fall in love.
<3
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I wish I could say I have never been in the place that this asker has been in. Unfortunately, I have. But I can speak from personal experience that survival happens: it's built into the human psyche to adapt and thrive.
Remember all the trouble you had in grade school, when you thought the world was ending, but now can barely recall? Hang in there. This too shall pass.
Am I so damaged I will not heal?
-Caroline B
No, the human spirit is enormously resilient.
You do have to drive in the right direction though.
What's damaging & what's healing in your life?
What would you change?
Make a list and share it with a friend.
You are not alone!
:) <3 <3 <3
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